


Night of Sixth Magnitude Stars

by PequeSaltamontes



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe, Arranged Marriage, Genderbending, M/M, Slow Build, or at least Hinata pretends to be a woman omg
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-01
Updated: 2015-05-26
Packaged: 2018-03-26 14:36:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 20
Words: 11,618
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3854344
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PequeSaltamontes/pseuds/PequeSaltamontes
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>AU. Medieval Japan. Hinata Shouyou, Hinata's clan's bastard child and best big brother in the whole world, decides to take his beloved little sister Natsu's place. After all, he would do anything to ensure her happiness. Even giving up his own. Oihina. And a bit of IwaOi.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. I

**Author's Note:**

  * A translation of [Noche de estrellas de sexta magnitud](https://archiveofourown.org/works/3852445) by [PequeSaltamontes](https://archiveofourown.org/users/PequeSaltamontes/pseuds/PequeSaltamontes). 



> This is a very short songfic. It's complete, but I've separated it in chapters in order to cause more pain.
> 
> The music is: Rokutousei no yoru, the ending of the anime No.6. However, I highly recommend the version you may find in youtube under the name "[Vietsub] Rokutousei no Yoru".
> 
> I also listened to a lot of Interstellar songs, especially this cover that you can find in youtube as: "Interstellar - Main Theme - Hans Zimmer (Epic instrumental/piano cover)".
> 
> Warning: I didn't do a proper research about japanese culture nor history. This is a random story, so don't expect any historical accuracy. Also, English is not my first language, so I may mess up. Please correct me and help me to improve, thank you so much.
> 
> And...
> 
> I'm sorry. I hope you forgive me ;_;

I

 

            It’s a warm night when his father summons him.

            He waits for his heart to settle before entering the room. The dim light doesn’t hide the man’s withering features and the crickets’ serenade coming from the inner courtyard merely embellishes the last words his illness hasn’t stolen from him.

            “This must come to an end”.

            It’s the last thing his father asks from him.

            He takes the frail hand between his without losing his smile. Not even now.

            “It shall be done, father.”

            Oikawa Tooru, half-orphan and half-emperor, always honors his word.

 

傷ついたときはそっと包みこんでくれたらうれしい

 

            Hinata Shouyou considers himself to be very lucky, even if the servants from the household say otherwise.

            To begin with, he knows he’s lucky to have been born and he’s definitely lucky his father was benevolent enough to grant him a little nook inside the stable next to the main house. He even has been given a job as a horse caretaker.

            And all this in exchange of the simple, most important promise of not talking to the lady of the house, his step-mother ―for she just cannot stand the sole idea his father had been able to love another woman before her (and a common maid, for Lord’s sake!).

            _Because he did love her,_ he tells himself. Of course he had loved her; had it been any other way, how could it be possible for him to exist? He always plays to tell his parents' love-story to a one-person audience.

            His younger sister, Natsu.

            To him, she’s the house’s real lady. And everyone treats her that way, too. But Natsu really is a lady, unlike him, who’s gotten that nickname as a mock because of his feminine looks, what with his soft jaws and the thin, scarce body hair that covers him.

            (Shouyou always replies that this is due to his young age, that he will develop later, but repeating these words over and over he has turned nineteen and still keeps an androgynous and very hairless face and body).

            However, none of this really matters to him; he just cares about his horses and his love for Natsu. If his friends in the stable and his little sister are alright, he can happily say he needs nothing else.

            This is why, when everything comes crashing down, Shouyou hugs Natsu for the last time and watches her go away riding the best horse he could provide by his best friend’s side, another stable-boy called Koushi.

            Yes, Shouyou could have run away with them but he knows the three of them wouldn’t have made it far.

            Because Shouyou doesn’t ignore the fact that the enemy’s clan thirsts for the Hinata’s family last drop of blood. His father’s blood, his step-mother’s blood and his sister’s blood, because he’s just a stain in history books.

            So he waits patiently for them to claim his sister’s part, dressed up with Natsu’s most expensive clothes. Because he will gladly offer his instead.

            It doesn’t even count as deceiving, really, for they still will be spilling Hinata’s blood.

            Shouyou prays for a swift death and for the murderer’s pity of his deceased body: they must not discover his true identity. They must not discover his little sister is still alive somewhere.

            When the household is completely silent and the door to Natsu’s room begins to slide, Shouyou only regrets his inability to save his father and step-mother.           

            He keeps his gaze locked on the horizon through the window as he waits for the cold steel piercing his guts.

            But it never comes.

 


	2. II

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Day 2. I'm still sorry.

 

転んで立てないときは 少しの勇気をください 

           

            Iwaizumi senses something is off with Oikawa’s smile.

            After all, he has already lost count of all the times he’s seen and even heard that same smile in his best friend’s voice. Just like he can’t keep track of how many times he has touched it, can’t keep track of how many times he has savored it against his lips.

            Now that they’re both lying down on his friend’s futon, recovering their breaths after a secret nearness that no one knows about, Iwaizumi is not afraid of being straightforward.

            “Is there something wrong?”

            When he doesn’t get an instant answer, Iwaizumi decides that this time is better not to hit him, as he would have done any other day.

            “Is it about… your father?”

            Iwaizumi catches a glimpse of his sad eyes when Oikawa sighs and nods. And Oikawa is never sad, which only causes him to worry even more.

            “My father wants to put an end to the rivalry that exists between our clan and the Hinata’s clan”.

            He waits for him to continue because he’s yet to understand what has that got to do with Oikawa’s sadness.

            “But it’s not possible to achieve his so long desired peace ―you cannot extinguish a whole clan and expect our people to accept it”. His words are as filled with sadness as his eyes. “So he thought of a very simple plan: to exterminate the Hinata family that doesn’t want anything to do with us and to bind the families together through a marriage…”

            Iwaizumi gets it even before Oikawa puts it into words.

            He dishevels him using one hand.

            He kisses him to shut him up.

            (And his lips are soft, because Oikawa himself is soft, because even if he pretends from time to time to be made of the finest wood, he’s nothing but the silk that covers his naked body at night).

            They lie together during dawn, their hands feel nostalgic and their limbs tangle up.

            The next morning, Oikawa Tooru is an engaged man.

            He’s nothing but a disposable life, a mere samurai whose only purpose is to serve his master.

  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry, really. Reviews? Kudos?


	3. III

III

 

想いはずっと届かないまま 今日も冷たい街でひとり 

_Not even love can save me now._

It’s a simple thought. A true fact while he walks towards the shrine with his head down ―just a few steps behind the white-robed, broad-shouldered Oikawa’s heir.

The one who should have been his sister’s husband, hadn’t Shouyou tampered with the threads of fate. Because when he took Natsu’s place, when he refused to accept any help from the maids to take a bath, when he avoided talking as much as possible so no one would listen to his not-so-feminine voice, he had definitely ensured his own role in all this mess.

He’s the one who has ended up wearing a white wedding kimono in the midst of all this, the immaculate silk interrupted just by some _sakura_ patterns. He’s the one getting married, and secretly makes a promise to come back to the shrine to ask for God’s forgiveness for the sacrilege he’s about to commit ―should he survive the night and his soon-to-be husband.

The handmaidens and servants withdraw once they reach the sacred hall. Now, Shouyou sees Oikawa Tooru for the first time: he’s tall (although he already knows that), and his brown hair, neither disheveled nor perfectly combed, matches the color of his eyes. The face seems to be sculpted by angels, and even though his gaze is kind, there’s something deep inside his eyes that intimidates him. It’s as if Oikawa held infinite secrets in his heart, and all of them were dangerous to the only secret Shouyou treasures with his life.

The secret that exists only to protect his sister’s life.

Lost in his thoughts, Shouyou doesn’t notice the hand Oikawa extends to him; he realizes it later, and rushes then to offer his own, a real contrast in size. His skin feels warm to the touch, and he doesn’t understand why this surprises him so.

 _Perhaps_ , he tells himself while they finish the rite of drinking three sake cups that he’s been rehearsing by his own a whole week, _it’s because he himself looks as if he was a marble statue._

ココが何処かも思い出せない 

 

He knows there’s no point feeling relieved: all this was only the beginning of a life-lasting suffering.

As he smiles and greets all those militaries and high-rank ladies who have attended, Oikawa thinks about Iwaizumi. He, of course, isn’t invited to the wedding reception. His duty is to ensure his safety, although not here but in enemy territory. Always away, always absent.

Except when he returns and Oikawa greets his tired body not with the indifferent nod expected from the next ruler of Japan, but with arms wide open and soft kisses.

“He’s my best friend”, is the answer to everyone’s questions.

And he’s not lying ―after all, Iwaizumi really _is_ his best friend even though he’s also his lover.

 _However_ , Oikawa thinks as he receives wedding gifts and remembers the tiny child that waits for him inside his room, _this must come to an end._

Those nights that started with two friends relishing on their youth and ended with passionate kisses are over.

Oikawa drinks the sake he’s offered without actually enjoying it, for everything tastes bitter now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Reviews? And please remember I know very little about Japanese culture.  
> -Pequeña


	4. IV

IV

 

終わらない夜に願いはひとつ “星のない空に輝く光を” 

           

            Shouyou awaits his “husband”. He waits with the sleeves of his kimono grasped between his fingers, trembling with fear. He should wait for him facing the door, ready to undress whenever he arrives but…

            But he knows that if he needs to do that, everything will be already lost.

            So he offers his back to the room’s door and instead watches the way the moonlight washes over the pond of his new home through the door that leads to the inner courtyard. His new home assuming, of course, he lasts through the night.

            It’s a starry night sky. The kind of night he loved to share with Natsu, talking about constellations. Well, she was the one doing the talking ―Shouyou just listened to her merry voice over the cicadas singing.

            _Somewhere, Natsu and Koushi are looking up at the stars_ , he tells himself. Yes, the two of them will be happy, even if his little sister is surely still grieving the loss of their family.

            Shouyou tells himself he’s very lucky once again as he hears the sound of the door sliding.

            He knows he is. Because if these are his last moments, if his lie were to be found out now and his husband’s wrath unleashed as if to remedy this dishonor by his own hand, the sky is painted with stars and he’s able to see it in all his glory.

            This starry night sky will be the last thing he ever sees.

            He waits for the reprimand about not being a good “wife”. He even expects a punch, if it strikes Oikawa Tooru’s fancy.

            The last thing he expects is someone kneeling beside him.

            There, keeping his distance but still sitting quite near, Oikawa Tooru kneels on the ground and gazes at the same starry sky. Shouyou turns around just in time to see his lips moving.

            “What a beautiful night, wouldn’t you agree?”

            It’s the first time he really listens to his voice ―they barely talked fixed, laconic words during the wedding ceremony, and he finds his voice to be not quite fitting to his image. It is, after all, almost childish, but at the same time it matches his kind demeanor. It matches, at least, the marble statue image that Oikawa seems to break with his gentle smile.

            “Y-yes.”

            He’s got his tongue tied in knots, and yet remembers to address this young man as his husband.  
            “Oikawa… -sama.”

            Without losing his smile, the young man shakes his head.

            “’Tooru-san’ will suffice. I am your husband. Not your master.”

            Shouyou would rather he was the latter. But Oikawa doesn’t seem to notice, his gaze lost in the vast expanse of night sky for a long time.

            When he seems to have taken pleasure in the dim light of the stars to his heart content, he fixes his eyes on Shouyou. Shouyou, in turn, realizing he has been scrutinizing his face with a total lack of manners, turns away so quickly he fears that it’ll anger him as well.

            However, the only thing Oikawa says before standing up with a swift, graceful movement is:

            “Last weeks must have been hell for you, Hina-chan. But tonight you’ll be able to sleep peacefully once again.” 

            Not “Natsu” nor “Nacchan”. “Hina-chan”. Shouyou wonders if this way of calling him by a last name that doesn’t belong to him anymore is his way of putting some distance between them.

           

* * *

 

 

            Shouyou changes into a light robe he’s found inside the adjacent dresser. It’s designed to cover his modesty even in parts he wouldn’t mind showing. Oikawa wears a matching, more masculine one. 

            They lie down in the same bed. The distance is shorter than what could be considered safe to Shouyou's standards, so he becomes worried in no time.

            Nevertheless, his husband doesn’t make the slightest attempt to get closer to him.

            He only says the words Shouyou carves deep into his mind before falling asleep.

            “None of this was my idea. I’m sorry.”

            And so, Shouyou succumbs to a heavy but well-deserved sleep.

            He has survived his wedding night.

            His secret is safe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Reviews, plz? Kudos? You would make me so happy...


	5. V

V

 

戻れない場所に捨てたものでさえ 生まれ変わって明日をきっと照らす 

 

            That afternoon in Oikawa’s room, Iwaizumi averts his mouth as if the mere touch disgusted him. His wife has gone to town to buy some clothes, but that doesn’t redeem their sins.

            To conceal them is no way to atone.

            “Oikawa…”

            “But I _want_ you.”

            Such common words. Not even a real argument. Iwaizumi thinks that future emperor Oikawa Tooru must be the only man on Earth who doesn’t need one.

            “You cannot do this to your wife.”

            Oikawa crosses his arms and actually _giggles_ before sliding a hand through his brown locks. Iwaizumi finds this to be a low blow, this instinctive way of seducing him.

            “What is the meaning of this, Iwa-chan? I’d think you’re trying to convince me that tears will be shed by that child just because I am to be a loveless husband! If that’s the case, I must say: think again”.

            “Husband”. Even now the word hurts. He doesn’t quite get if this pain of wanting something out of reach so badly is his own, or if it’s part of Oikawa’s plan.

            Because Oikawa is like that. He takes, he drops, he moves on: everything works its way around his whims. Iwaizumi loves him, but he knows he’s like this: if he needs to caress, he caresses, just the way he feels his finger going down his cheek.

            _If he needs to kiss, he kisses._

And he can already feel his lips pressed against his, demanding the affection and the warmth and everything that was denied beforehand to his royal blood. This is how once again they end up locked in a hug made of sweat and groans and shattered conscience, even if all this takes place over the same bed in which he imagined the sickening scene of Oikawa lying with another body in this same way.

            In spite of the fire and the trembling limbs, Iwaizumi sees her at the same time Oikawa’s body envelopes him.

            The young lady with hair made of sunset light, his best friend’s wife. Her brown eyes are frightened. The door left ajar is enough to grant her this scarring scene, one that won’t leave her mind whenever she raises her eyes to look at her husband for the rest of their life together.

            Iwaizumi wants to say something, _whatever_ ―to tell, to complain, to accuse her or Oikawa, but his best friend’s mouth calls for him again, and more than calling him, it’d be fair to say it _drowns_ him.

            _If he needs to hurt, he hurts._

And there’s no such thing, no such person that can say no to Oikawa Tooru.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please tell me you read me...


	6. VI

VI

 

星屑のなかであなたに出会えたいつかの気持ちのまま会えたらよかった

Just the way he did at his former home, Shouyou perfectly understands his place in this house ―he's just an ornament to Oikawa Tooru. Even so, he works hard to play his part ―he only knows how to read and write thanks to Natsu's lessons, and his calligraphy is far from perfect. This has granted him extra classes as the "lady of the house".

On the bright side, the one and only Oikawa Tooru has allowed him to dedicate his spare time to admire the beauty of the horses inside the stable. He even allows him to ride them occasionally.

Shouyou suspects this is due to Oikawa's eagerness to find free time to spend with his lover, that young samurai at his service, Iwaizumi Hajime. He certainly doesn't mind; he knows he's an intruder in this house, exactly the way he perceives Oikawa in his own life.

Mulling over all this and focused on mastering his name's (well, Natsu's name's) kanjis, Shouyou loses track of time and by the time he realizes it's already past ten o'clock.

He should have been in bed at quarter to ten.

He rushes to return the ink and brushes to their respective places and walks as fast as he can towards his room ―not very fast at that, what with this damn kimono.

When he reaches the corridor that leads to his chamber, Shouyou makes a conscious effort to silence his footsteps.

Nonetheless, what he hears leaves him standing on the door as if he were made of stone.

"You cannot do this. I forbid you. I'm your master and I forbid you".

It's Oikawa, of course ―he can see him across the door left ajar. Iwaizumi stands in front of him.

In this moment, no one would believe they're lovers.

"You know very well the battlefield is where I belo-"

" _Nonsense_ , Iwaizumi."

While the samurai remains unfazed ―apart from the glare directed at Oikawa; Shouyou shudders at the way Oikawa dryly addresses him by his last name instead of his affectionate honorific.

"Someday, Oikawa", mumbles Iwaizumi, "you will be able to comprehend that there are things worth a thousand times more than your whims. And maybe, when that day arrives, you will stop hurting innocent people with your foolish schemes!"

"If you're talking about Hina-chan…"

"I'm talking about me!"

Oikawa stops dead in his tracks, stunned. As if suddenly Iwaizumi had undressed and ridiculed him in front of a crowd.

"It's possible you didn't think of this before,  _Kusokawa_ , but I'm a warrior. Not a lover. Let alone a  _married_ man's lover."

Oikawa tries again, and Shouyou is able to see his refined ways have been replaced by almost fearful ones. He understands then that there's more than a lord-samurai relationship or just passion between them; there is also an old friendship that entails the foundation of this familiarity.

"Iwa-chan…"

"Think about my words. We shall talk about this when I return. Or…"

Iwaizumi, as every good warrior should do, waits to deal the final blow. Shouyou sees it coming, and presses his lips into a thin line while the samurai offers his back to Oikawa and says:

"Or we will no longer need to talk about this."

He's a man, and suddenly he becomes a shadow; he's gone.

And Oikawa…

Oikawa is just a man, and suddenly he becomes a statue.

 _No_.

That's not right. Oikawa Tooru isn't a statue.

He's just a man.

A man suffering under the heavy weight of a title he's unable to carry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Reviews, plz?  
> -Pequeña.


	7. VII

VII

 

戻らない過去に泣いたことでさえ 生まれ変わって明日をきっと照らしてくれる

One month passes by. Two months. Four. Six.

Six months have passed since Iwaizumi's departure, and that's when, on a cold winter's night, Oikawa's father enters the final stage of his illness. His son rushes to his side, dark rings under his eyes after so many sleepless nights, and in spite of his exhaustion, his voice remains soft.

"There's no need for you to stay by my side, Hina-chan."

But Shouyou always stays. Not by Oikawa's father's side, but outside his chambers, waiting for his husband because that's what's expected from him. He can see him kneeled at his father's bedside, and he can see the way his prematurely aged hand grasps the young fingers he offers him.

"Rule wisely, my son".

It's the first and last thing Shouyou ever hears coming from the emperor's mouth, and he wonders if he's never directed affectionate words towards his son. Words as the ones he's gotten from Natsu.

His thoughts are interrupted when he sees Oikawa leaving the now deceased emperor's room.

Around him, all the servants, all the guards and in sum every single person in the royal residence kneel before his husband. Shouyou grasps the reason why seconds later. On a hurry, he goes to kneel in front of the new emperor.

Oikawa grabs his wrist before he can drop to the ground. Shouyou looks up in fear ―probably he has noticed his distraction, the mistake he has made, so he prepares himself for the harsh rebuke.

Despite his fears, all he gets is a little help to stand up once again, and the same calm ―although a bit hoarse, voice telling him:

"Do not ever kneel before me, Hina-chan. We're married."

He lets him go then, and walks in the direction of their room. Shouyou manages to follow him as if he were a stray puppy. His eyes sting, and he soon realizes it's due to a sudden, unexplainable desire to cry.

He knows nothing about Oikawa Tooru: he's a complete mystery, and he's as gentle as whimsical.

But even so, he wants to cry.

Because if there's something he's certain about this man, is that he will not.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Reviews, kudos? You'd make me sooooooooooo happy c:  
> -Pequeña


	8. VIII

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so, so sorry.

VIII

 

眠れないときは そっと手をつないでくれたらうれしい

Three months as the official ruler of the country, and Oikawa has made no attempt to get closer to him aside from some usual courtesy formulas, even when he's yet to encounter Iwaizumi since that night —he didn't even attend his father's burial. Shouyou is afraid of being found out, but then acknowledges how deeply Oikawa loves the samurai.

He sees it in the way Oikawa awaits every night sitting on the corridor that leads to the inner courtyard, in front of their room, all the while watching the landscape change from a pure white to a blurred rain of pink cherry blossoms.

He sees it in his absent eyes every time he looks up at the moon.

He knows no other love apart from the one he feels towards Natsu, so it's normal that every afternoon, at the same hour, Oikawa arises in him a curiosity bordering on fascination.

Shouyou is aware of how idiotic it is, but he firmly believes that it's in those moments, when he lies down to sleep and Oikawa's back comes into view, that he feels some kind of affection for his husband.

And if it was a mere suspicion, barely a fleeting thought, he's certain he cares more than he should the night a shadow approaches Oikawa from the huge garden and, instead of running to kiss him, it kneels before the emperor.

It's not Iwaizumi —it's his replacement. Because Iwaizumi has turned into a true shadow, into air, into dust, into everything that does  _exist_ but does not  _live_. He has given his life for the emperor. He has done his duty, and Shouyou thinks about the ignorance of this new samurai that has no idea of how many times he's already stabbed his lord in the first five minutes of being at his service.

Oikawa receives the message calmly, nods, and dismisses the warrior.

Shouyou pretends to be asleep so Oikawa can mourn in peace, tear his clothes and wrap himself in the color white before going to bed, where his body continues shaking because of the sobs no one can hear, let alone comprehend.

Ah, and yet, Shouyou  _does_  hear it and Shouyou  _does_  comprehend…!

Nevertheless, he keeps quiet until that profane sobbing cannot be heard any longer —now all that reaches his ears is the deep, peaceful breathing of who has surrendered to sleep after an intense grieving.

He opens his eyes then, and absorbs every single detail of Oikawa's face, who's turned towards him in his sleep. He memorizes his indescribable beauty, his immeasurable pain.

Shouyou knows he isn't good enough. For nothing, for anyone. He wasn't good enough for his family, and he's still not good enough for this other family that he has come to understand is very similar to his own in many respects.

And yet he  _wants_  to be good enough. God, how he wishes he could be good  _enough_  for once…!

However, in spite of not being good enough, self-pity isn't something that defines him, so he does not allow this ugly feeling that resembles a crow to nestle inside his chest.

In its stead, he fills up his chest with the heartwarming feeling that invades him when he takes Oikawa Tooru's hand before closing his eyes.

夜明けは来るよと 囁いていて 嘘でもいいから

When Oikawa opens his eyes, it's already seven in the morning. It's late, remarkably late for the country's emperor, and he doesn't really care because everything around him is warm, while the last thing his clouded mind can remember is the fact last night  _it wasn't like this_ , for everything was cold and frightening.

It's warm, so very warm, and he discovers the reason when he moves his hand ―different fingers have come to intertwine with his. There, in those small gaps, there are fingers that sprout like tiny flowers bloomed in one night's time. Still half-asleep, he follows the hand, the arm with his gaze. It doesn't look like Iwaizumi arm…

… and it isn't, of course not, because he's remembered that Iwaizumi is no longer  _here_.

It's the little arm of the being that sleeps soundly by his side. Oikawa Tooru smiles weakly, aware now of the tears remnants on his face, and more than aware of the ones that slide across it once again after digesting in the morning what he had already understood last night.

"Such an idiot."

Once again he closes his eyes ―he is not yet ready to wake up in a world where Iwaizumi no longer exists.

And despite everything, he doesn't mind squeezing Hinata Shouyou's fingers during his lethargy.

In spite of not even knowing that this is his real name.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry, I was too mean, I know, and I apologize.  
> Any comments to let me know how would you like to punish me for this? Even those are welcomed...  
> -Pequeña.


	9. IX

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My best friend told me he regrets he took me into this fandom because of the things I've done to his "babus".
> 
> They're my babus too, darling. So I hope you forgive me with this...

IX

 

Days and months go by once again, and everynight the same silent gesture takes place.

Simple intertwined fingers. Simple heartwarming contact that Shouyou hopes will soothe Oikawa's pain.

Shouyou thinks is funny how he has never been found out, because he always manages to wake up earlier and withdraw his hand.

Oikawa knows better.

 

願いはずっと叶わないまま 今夜 星座を連れ去って 消えてしまった.

 

Shouyou's been staring at the garden for over an hour already. His classes don't start until the afternoon, so he has all this time to reflect about his life as part of the Oikawa household.

As the emperor's "wife".

"Hina-chan?"

He turns around instantly and battles again his default reaction of bowing down before Oikawa. He knows he doesn't want that ―but it's a bit difficult not to do exactly that when he appears dressed not with his royal attire but with a simple pair of hakamas that do nothing to decrease this air of royalty that surrounds him.

If it's true that the emperor descends from god, Shouyou he can assure so while looking at his husband.

"I'd like you to dress up. We're going for a walk downtown"

He doesn't know where does this come from. However, he bows his head slightly and returns to their room so he can get dressed. All this time, he hasn't accepted any help to do so. He has adamantly refused, and when the scandalized maids reported this issue to Oikawa's most loyal servant ―an old man who had served his family since childhood, he had only replied that "there are ladies more sensitive than others" and ordered to leave it alone.

When he's finally wearing a plain blue yukata (because yes, he has actually learned to put it on by himself), a maid informs him that Oikawa is waiting for him in the front. Outside, he meets his husband, who just smiles and tells him:

"That yukata suits you perfectly."

The next thing he does is offering him his hand to help him hop onto the carriage. The words "thank you" become trapped between the tip of his tongue and his lips when he feels first his gentle fingers and then the warm body of his husband sitting beside him.

He doesn't ask where are they exactly going, and just focuses on grasping every single thing he can see, and burn it into his mind ―every single detail of the town he's visited merely a couple of times as a stable-boy. Now, everything appears new to him: the children's laughter, the couples walking in sync, the shopkeepers and their different voices almost singing about their products' prices that mean nothing to Oikawa and in turn, not a long time ago, meant three whole days of food to Shouyou.

But there's something else: the town is illuminated, clean and tidy, and even the youngest children are well dressed. Tiny lamps with even tinier letters that Shouyou recently begins to read hang from nearly invisible ropes that jump from a roof to another.

He recognizes the letters for "sunshine" and "river" in two separate lamps, and feels his insides warm because of such a small, but obvious progress.

"Tooru-san…"

He's about to ask him about the town when the carriage suddenly stops. Oikawa hops off unceremoniously, to everyone's disbelief ―they look at the scene as if the ground were unfit to be stepped on by him. Nonetheless, he only has eyes for him, and Shouyou must admit that, just this once, he's happy with the way things are. It's as if Oikawa couldn't be bothered by any of the glances thrown in his direction, couldn't be bothered to look at any of the pretty girls that congregate a few steps away to admire his out-of-this-world beauty.

Shouyou is certain he won't look back at them, just as he's certain that his lack of interest isn't due to him but to an absent soul.

Oikawa interrupts his train of thought with a simple phrase:

"I hope you didn't think we would be missing the  _bon odori_."

Of course. Shouyou isn't exactly aware of the dates in which each festivity takes place because his father wouldn't let him out of the stable regularly ―let alone if there were festivals to which the Hinata family, the  _official_  Hinata family had to attend. However, it makes sense it's this particular celebration the one they're attending to ―it's been a while since the cherry trees have taken away their dresses to give way to the aestival songs of the cicadas.

No, he knows nothing about celebrations nor parties; he would only watch the fireworks from afar, reveling in their ethereal beauty, waiting for his sister's return to listen from her mouth what he could only hope to experience in another life.

In spite of that, he's here now, strolling beside the one and only japanese emperor. His eyes light up when he spots the different game stalls and food stalls and the flowers and the clothes and  _oh_ , the children playing and laughing and  _everything is so, so much better than what Natsu could have ever described._

He controls himself to not go running around the place when Oikawa leans toward him so he's able to whisper in his ear ―and Shouyou does hear it perfectly, as if all the noises around them had suddenly vanished:

"Go explore. I'll be close behind you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Do you think he will forgive me? Comments?  
> -Pequeña


	10. X

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fuck fuck fUCK i broke myself they're too cute fuCK ME bUT MY FRIEND DIDN'T FORGIVE ME FUCK

X

 

もう、戻れない…

Oikawa watches the way the little face lights up, the eyes like lightning and the wide smile that lets out a brief "thank you!" seconds before the tiny body goes running around the festival.

The laughter comes natural, and he couldn't care less about the citizens that look at him as if he had just fallen off of a sacred cloud ―he starts running as well, always behind the red tuft while all the lights pass by his side adopting an impenetrable wall-like shape.

There is it, this indomitable creature, in front of an unremarkable stall.

There is it, can't they see it? ―it's the one that runs to hold the children's hands and gifts them the prize recently obtained in a game stall.

It's the one that leaps trying to watch a puppet act over the audience's shoulders (it's the one Oikawa lifts gently between his arms, to its grand humiliation).

It's the one that dances in front of all the people, the one that leads the circle created to give thanks for the harvest and the abundance and for all the good things ―the abundance and happiness themselves directing the others.

Oikawa can only think about how unique this moment is, because all the bodies that ever lay by his side are unique and ephemeral, and he cannot help but think about how envious must the people around him be.

_After all, no one but me wakes up by your side._

It's this fleeting thought the one that compels him to run as fast as he can, fast enough to actually reach this little human fire.

When he finally grabs its hand and locks their fingers together, the tiny body comes to a halt. The eyes scrutinize his face for any sign of disgust, and Oikawa utterly despises the idea he could have done something to provoke this earthly angel's distress.

He wants to say " _I'd never hurt you_."

He wants to say:  _"I'm sorry if I did, I won't do it again."_

And  _"I want to look at you some more."_

Or at least  _"I want to walk by your side."_

But most importantly:

" _I don't want our hands locked together so tightly to be a dream any longer."_

Nevertheless, all he says is:

"Come with me".

In this moment, there are no other words that could convey better what he feels.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> UUUGH COMMENTS?  
> -Pequeña


	11. XI

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you, thank you so, so much for your kind reviews. I'm actually considering to write AND translate more Oihina just for you, people!   
> Greetings c:  
> Aaaaaaaaaaaand... *drum roll* eNJOY!

XI

 

終わらない夜に願いはひとつ "星のない空に輝く光を"

A simple smile turned into words, and then he runs, and Hina-chan runs by his side.

They run towards the hills, through the people and their apologies and bows to the royal couple, they run to the bridge and beyond, towards the wood and through the threes until they reach silence.

Until they reach a fallen tree trunk that is better than any throne, until they're just two people sitting together, and the stars and the fireworks are all they can see above the leaves.

Until all he feels is the body relaxed against his, glints of the brightest stars on this calm face ―on this childlike, innocent face; and the smile he can see right now, right here, is all that matters now.

Oikawa may only wonder if, from some place among the stars, Iwaizumi is able to see him. If he can see him by his Hina-chan's side, and  _laugh_  because of how utterly blind, how capricious and completely foolish has his best friend been until a couple of minutes ago. Laugh at him because, at some point between wordless devotion and reverence, between sobs and rage for a love turned to dust, he has found himself letting out more sighs than meek words for someone that has entered his life of the most ridiculous, possible way.

No, this isn't as fateful as an imperishable friendship, nor is it similar to its bitter freedom. This is broken bones, this is an unknown flower's roots that have sprouted through a shattered, dirt-covered water vessel

And when his eyes find this sweet being, this corporeal fire, he wishes he could be the one to gather the smithereens ―he wishes he could be the one to rebuild its cropped life, to be the one to take its hands when its feet can barely leave prints in the sand.

He wishes he could find a way to describe this, to name this discovery with his own name written in breaths.

"Hey, Hina-chan."

The eyes stop gazing at the nocturnal display and the little head turns towards him, looking straight at him.

"Yes, Tooru-san?"

Oikawa knows that, if he wants to win something, he must first be ready to lose some other things. One of them being this dark cover he always uses to disguise his intentions as mere mischief. Even if this causes the voice that has barely learned to address him without fear induced stuttering to shake once again.

Because the one he's spending the rest of his life with deserves neither lies nor schemes.

No, this one person deserves the whole truth, and all the responsibility this entails.

And truth to be told, there's only one thing Oikawa fervently desires right now.

"I will make you fall in love with me."

And if there's something Oikawa Tooru knows for sure, it's the fact that, ever since childhood, everything he desires shall be given to him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> H3H3H3 Oikawa u lil shit.


	12. XII

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tomorrow I'll be out all day, so I will post this now. Enjoy.  
> Oikawa is my precious babu, just in case you didn't know ;u;

XII

 

今は遠すぎて儚い星でも 生まれ変わって夜空をきっと照らす

Shouyou keeps quiet on their way home.

Oikawa Tooru has decided to make him fall in love, and everything would be fine if he was actually his wife.

_If I were actually a woman._

But what is going to happen when he discovers he's not? Will he repudiate him, will he accuse him of deceiving him, betraying him, or something even worse? Will he get him killed?

Or will he do it himself?

He lowers his head and contemplates his own hands resting in his lap. He contemplates his androgynous body, the shape that has saved him so far.

He has no desire of being a woman ―he's a man, he was born a man, and he wishes he could be seen as such.

"Tooru-san…"

His husband averts his gaze from the trees passing by the sides of the carriage.

"Is something the matter, Hina-chan?"

The way he pronounces his last name is painful, but at least he isn't lying to himself when he doesn't call him by his first name.

Because he doesn't even know his real name, to begin with.

"You said… You said  _that_ …"

"Oh, yes. I said I'd make you fall in love with me."

He instinctively flinches and tries to suppress the trembling caused by the knowledge of how irremediably doomed he is.

"But… what about Iwaizumi-san?"

It's the worse question he could have asked, and even so he presses on. A small part of him expects Oikawa Tooru to get mad at him, to get really angry and to yell at him, to feel humiliated by this tiny piece of intimacy that Shouyou hoists in front of him not as retaliation ―for there was no offense in the first place, but because he actually wants to know, he actually wants to understand this man a little more.

He understands then he should have expected anything but that.

He understands he should have expected Oikawa Tooru to laugh and to surround his body with one arm in a friendly gesture.

"What about Iwa-chan?"

Shouyou purses his lips and focuses on his fingers. The fingers he knows are manly, fingers that know how to braid manes and saddle up horses, although right now they only touch fine fabrics and soak brushes in black ink.

"You… You love him."

It's the truth. Shouyou knows it is.

"Yes", Oikawa answers, though his smile doesn't disappear. "I love him even now, when he's nothing but dust. Although I'd like to think, mind you", he adds dreamily, "that Iwa-chan would have become stardust, if anything".

Shouyou doesn't understand the reason why this hurts. He doesn't know if it hurts because of Oikawa…

… or because of himself.

"Then, why…?"

He knows Oikawa will wait patiently for his words ―he will wait for as long as it takes.

But he also knows that the words aren't easy to say ―they tangle up, they contort into horrible sculptures somewhere within his mouth.

He looks up just to find his patient look, his clear face.

"Why do you tell me these things?"

Oikawa doesn't reply. His voice, instead, is playful as he talks:

"I-don't-know~ Ah, but Hina-chan, I think I'm the one who gets to ask you something in this situation."

Shouyou simply awaits his question, so he finally asks:

"Why did you hold my hand all those nights, hm?"

There are no answers for Shouyou, who looks straight ahead. The house is getting bigger and bigger as they get closer.

Shouyou, not unlike Oikawa, knows the answer to the question that has been thrown in his direction.

In fact, they both know the answers to both questions.

Shouyou wishes he could close his eyes.

Open them.

To never have met Oikawa Tooru.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments...?  
> -Pequeña ;u;


	13. XIII

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FLUFF IS ALL YOU NEED.

XIII

 

星屑のなかで出会えた奇跡が 人ゴミのなかにまた見えなくなる

Oikawa, to Shouyou's surprise, doesn't do anything out of the ordinary. He doesn't try to kiss him nor woo him. They have even stopped holding hands at night (Shouyou, ashamed, just cannot do it again). The moment when they're closest to each other is when they drink tea together in the afternoons.

Or moments like these, when he just sits by his side and looks up at the starry sky with him. He feels as if he could almost ― _almost_ tell him about Natsu and Koushi, about how much he loves and misses them.

_But he thinks he's married to Natsu._

He keeps quiet, of course. Beside him, Oikawa raises his hand and draws constellations with his fingers.

He watches him silently. He wishes he could stop his arm, his hand, his fingers from moving.

Because all this is such a huge lie, all this is an act, and the moment Oikawa Tooru orders him to undress, he will have to oblige.

As if he could read his mind, his husband speaks, and his words are barely above a whisper:

"You know… don't you? That due to this invisible tie that binds us, you must do as I say."

Shouyou stiffens and doesn't say a word. All possible answers are positive, and he doesn't wish to affirm something just to be even more at his mercy.

"You  _do_ know, don't you?"

The question is straightforward, even if Oikawa doesn't look at him.

"Yes."

"Fine."

Oikawa stands up, and Shouyou looks up at him. His gaze is almost pleading.

Is this his plan? To bend him to his will by means of an oath made to a deity who doesn't talk, who doesn't show themselves to anyone?

_Ah, but he won't be able to get what he wants…_

In fact, it isn't only because he's a man ―it's because it's  _him_ , and not Natsu.

It's because it's  _him_ , and not Iwaizumi.

When Oikawa talks, however, all he says brings Shouyou to his knees. He subdues him with a few breaths turned into words.

"Forget about that. Completely erase it from your mind."

With nothing left to say, he retires for the night. Shouyou turns around suddenly, as if someone had punched him, and asks:

"But  _why_?"

He desires to understand. He desires to know. He cannot bear to be always the nescient, the one left behind. Although all he seems to do these days is ask for reasons and causes of actions he doesn't quite comprehend, not even with the answers given to him…

Oikawa looks at him over his shoulder with his characteristic smile dangling from his lips.

"Because I have no need of oaths made against your will to win you over, Hina-chan."

Shouyou stares ahead, because all he can do is exactly that, as always.

He stares ahead when he listens to Oikawa lying down.

And definitely stares ahead when he goes to rest by his side, and Oikawa, smiling as always, intertwines their fingers together before closing his eyes.

He smiles because it's his win, Shouyou knows, and considers the idea of erasing that smile embed into his skin with his own mouth.

The thought lasts a mere breath.

And he finally falls asleep without neither doing nor saying anything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments? c:  
> -Pequeña


	14. XIV

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I insist you listen to this while reading: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_nj-LnZqY-0  
> Or even this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f-53SghjHto  
> I haven't been getting any comments lately. Is it AO3? Is it you? If is it you, please love me again ;_; Otherwise...

XIV

 

戻らない過去に泣いた夜たちに 告げるサヨナラ明日はきっと輝けるように

Although it seems to remain the same, everything changes. Shouyou feels it in the way Oikawa's attentive gaze is always fixed on him. He feels it in the way he walks by his side whenever he goes to take a stroll through the garden, among grass and trees.

It's like a blanket made of the finest silk ―it protects him, yet doesn't overwhelm him.

He's the most powerful person in all Japan, and even though Shouyou doesn't has him at his feet, he sees in Oikawa's smile that he actually  _could_.

Nevertheless, he doesn't think about that when he gently rests his head against his husband's shoulder. He doesn't think about that when Oikawa encircles his body with his arm and they fix their gazes on the sunset, the first stars appearing over the golden hues.

"What do you think the stars would tell us if they could talk, Tooru-san? If you were a star, what would you say?"

It's a sigh, a sign of trust, and Oikawa ponders the question for a long time before answering:

"'Do not leave me'". He deliberates for a little while before adding: "And 'stay'."

Shouyou laughs and hits him lightly on the shoulder. It comes natural to him. It comes natural, this way of trusting him.

"So cruel, Hina-chan!"

"Such weird words coming from a star!"

Oikawa shrugs apologetically. Shouyou perceives him as somewhat ashamed.

The explanation follows suit.

"It's what I'd tell you if I were a star."

Shouyou bites his tongue to stop himself from asking why he'd ever think he would leave him. He bites his tongue to remind himself he's an imposter, and not a lady in love.

Although maybe the second part is half-true.

"Tooru-san…"

He has nothing left to say. He just pronounces his name out of habit, because it's his mantra, because it's the only safe word he knows. Perhaps Oikawa knows it, and that's why he tilts his head towards him and caresses his cheek with his lips.

Shouyou realizes too late that he hasn't tried to move away.

He realizes too late that he hasn't done it because he thought Oikawa was going to kiss him.

When Oikawa draws back, Shouyou's hand grabs the fabric of his yukata.

"Tooru-san…"

He's conscious of what he's asking for. He asks for it wordlessly, and Oikawa hears his petition in this same silent prayer.

His husband turns towards him. His hands go to his back ―he can feel them through the think fabric of his clothes. Shouyou raises his face, his lips ready.

"Hina-chan…"

Ready for Oikawa's lips, lips that never come.

"I cannot help but wonder…"

Because all he gets are ice-cold words.

"… why would you  _lie_  to me?"

Before Shouyou can react, Oikawa brings his hands forward, against his chest and, with a swift movement, he forces him down so he's lying on the wooden floor.

He opens his robes brusquely.

"No, wai…!"

The pleas don't arrive in time; as if it were a common dishcloth, Oikawa tears down any fabric still protecting Shouyou. He leaves him exposed, his chest now naked.

The naked chest that undoubtedly belongs to a man.

Shouyou shudders. He cannot even bring himself to cover his face with his hands.

Just like that, the love spell over the emperor has vanished.

He simply looks at him with cold, calculating eyes.

"You  _lied_  to me. All this time, you  _lied_  to me."

It's a weary sigh rather than outraged. Oikawa backs away silently, and suddenly he's on his feet again. Shouyou only manages to bite his lips not to cry, his eyes fixed on the emotionless face in front of him.

"And you never even considered telling me the truth, am I wrong?"

There are no words, and Shouyou feels he cannot hear anything, because Oikawa Tooru is right. He feels as if he has become deaf, and even so the last thing the emperor says somehow pierces through his ears:

"Ah, aren't you cruel…,  _Nacchan_?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ... I will drown you in your own tears c:  
>  Any comments? I told you to enjoy the fluff, tho ;_;  
> -Pequeña.


	15. XV

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My best friend almost killed me for that last chapter. He texted me to say "YOU'RE THE WORST" :'c

XV

 

" _Someday, Oikawa, you will be able to comprehend that there are things worth a thousand times more than your whims. And maybe, when that day arrives, you will stop hurting innocent people with your foolish schemes!"_

But Iwaizumi was wrong, he's certain of it.

Because he never thought him able to protect a secret with his life. He never considered him able to look beyond himself, to notice this boy's determination not to be discovered ―because there was  _something_ more important than his own existence to protect.

Far from being offended, the first time Oikawa Tooru laid eyes on his future wife ―the clear image of a boy dressed as a woman that apparently only he was able to discern, curiosity triumphed over pride.

However, this perception soon fades and in its it place came gratitude ―gratitude for having him in his life in any possible way.

And yet, in the end, just as Iwaizumi had foreseen, his whims have subdued his patience and kindness.

_He must hate me now._

He has done something awful, atrocious even, and instantly comes to the realization that he must fix it by any means.

Oikawa slides his chamber's door open, ready to go wherever he needs to, wherever  _he_  is.

But then he stumbles upon the royal advisor, who falls to his knees at his sight.

"His Majesty", he squeals, and Oikawa doesn't listen to any of what he has to say.

He understands it right away.

He's the emperor, and his obligations come before his own wishes.

 

こんなちいさな星座なのに ココにいたこと 気付いてくれて ありがとう

 

That night, Shouyou huddles inside the stable. Oikawa's is wider than the one which belonged to his father, and he has taken a liking to all the horses that inhabit it. This time, however, the smell of soil and alfalfa provides no relief.

Because it  _pains_  him how different it is from sleeping by Oikawa's side.

He has lied to him. He has deceived him. And while he does not regret it, while he knows that Natsu and Koushi are living happily somewhere thanks to all this, Shouyou feels as if he has let someone else down.

Oikawa hasn't laid a sole finger on him in all this time, and Shouyou wishes he had  _tried_.

If that were the case, he would have at least a reason to hate him.

Nevertheless, apart from tonight, Oikawa hasn't made the slightest attempt to humiliate nor mistreat him.

He has indeed ended up doing exactly that, but has made clear the reason why.

 _Because I lied to him_.

Stubbornly, Shouyou doesn't shed a single tear all night long in spite of barely managing to conciliate some sleep as a result of the extreme exhaustion.

He is a man, after all.

The next morning, Oikawa is nowhere to be seen.

He has some urgent matters to attend to and has departed to Tokyo early in the morning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Do you think I'm the worst, too? Comments, please?  
> -Pequeña


	16. XVI

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Love me c:

XVI

 

A whole day passes. And other one. And another.

Ten days, and every night Shouyou sleeps alone in their room.

He's not superstitious, and yet he clearly recalls the way Natsu and him used to wish on stars in the nighttime sky. So he cannot let the chance drift away when he distinguishes a shooting star crossing the sky that night. He clasps his hands together, bows his head and wishes with all his might for Oikawa to return.

At any rate, he would even be glad if he returned to kick him out, because he just cannot stand his absence. He cannot stand to not be able to offer a proper explanation and apologize, though he deems himself unworthy of forgiveness.

At last, on the fifteenth day, his husband comes back.

He waits for him ―and at the same time, he does not; he's just sitting on the room's tatami, looking up at the stars.

As he always does.

The door opens, and Shouyou does not try to hide his anxiety. He turns around and almost trips while standing up because of all the paraphernalia his bed robes entail.

Oikawa seems tired, with huge eye bags orbiting his face. Before Shouyou may attempt to any way of communication, the emperor smiles at him.

"I'm back."

"Wel… Welcome home."

Shouyou feels his knees go weak, but his husband only asks with a soft, tired voice:

"What is your name?"

Regardless of the way he gulps before answering, Shouyou gathers enough courage to firmly pronounce his name, the best-kept secret:

"Hinata Shouyou."

He wants to tell him that he actually  _is_  a Hinata. That at least he hasn't lied to him about that.

The emperor only smiles meekly, and does not say a word.

This way, in absolute silence and with his never-ending grace, Oikawa Tooru drops to his knees.

He places his hands on the ground.

Bows down.

And not daring to look at him, says:

"Please forgive me, Hinata Shouyou."

The ruler of Japan has gotten down on his knees and has asked him to forgive him.

_Him_ , the royal family's enemy clan's bastard child.

Shouyou feels as if suddenly there were a wild animal living inside him. Something that trembles and convulses, something that threatens to get out and shatter his body in the process. But he knows what he has ought to say, because he  _is_ owed an apology.

"I forgive you, Oikawa Tooru."

Because his husband isn't apologizing just for his actions, oh no.

He apologizes because of the way the entire Oikawa household acted, no matter how innocent he may be when it comes to past crimes.

It's a wound Shouyou needed to close up, he understands that much while watching his husband get on his feet once again.

And at the same time Oikawa humbly takes the hand he offers him, their eyes meet.

Beyond the marriage contrived by the former emperor, they are the hope for peace come true.

Or at least, their smiles are.

 

終わらない夜に願いはひとつ "星のない空に輝く光を"

 

Now with more comfortable clothes, they lie down side-by-side. It's a strange feeling, similar to jumping into cold water on a hot Summer's day. Refreshing and with a novelty that escapes comprehension.

It's in that moment that Shouyou feels tears falling from his eyes, even if they ought to drench their entire face before abandoning his skin.

"Shou-chan?"

Oikawa has turned towards him, and attentively stares at him.

"I thought you would hate me."

The emperor keeps quiet and allows him to proceed.

"Because… I am Hinata Shouyou. Not Hinata Natsu. It… It's not the same and… And I… I…"

Senseless babbling. Oikawa silences him with an ordinary phrase.

"You mean…  _Oikawa_ Shouyou."

Shouyou cannot believe his ears.

"That name… it… it doesn't  _exist_."

"It does to me."

Shouyou understands what he's trying to say, because properly speaking, there never was a Hinata Shouyou. Just a de facto life, because he breathes, because blood in fact runs through his veins, and the day it all stops, the day his body finally fails, it will be as if he had never walked on Earth.

The Hinatas have never had a bastard child, no, how could such a perfect family have degenerated so?

And therefore, the existence of an  _Oikawa_  Shouyou is plain impossible.

The tears are already overwhelming him by the time Oikawa softly pats his usual place on the bed, suggesting for him to come closer.

"Come here, Shou-chan. It's time to sleep."

That night, Oikawa gently comforts him while he trembles between his arms. The smell of lavender and jasmine he has carved into his memory without realizing already filling his lungs as if it were the only scent he could breath in.

_Everything is alright._

It's the first time Shouyou sheds tears of happiness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Do you love me? c: Because I'm dying. The fluff is killing me. Comments?  
> -Pequeña


	17. XVII

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -YAWN-. sORRY, today it's a national holiday and i was sleep deprived so i slept a lot ;u; Here you have it.   
> Enjoy!

XVII

 

戻れない場所に捨てたものでさえ 生まれ変わって明日をきっと照らす

He watches the sky sitting on Oikawa's lap. There are no stars tonight; huge clouds float above, and the scent of the rain reaches their lungs as a distant song, an omen of abundance.

But Shouyou couldn't care less about this, because he can converse amiably with his husband, and that's all that matters.

"There's something I want to know."

Oikawa patiently awaits his question.

"All this time… did you never suspect me?"

Shouyou turns around and fixes his stare on him. His expression is calm, almost blank, but at the same time, somehow smug when he answers:

"Did you really think I wouldn't realize you were a man from the very moment I saw you, Shou-chan?"

With a sinking feeling in his chest, he ponders his answer. A part of him is happy that he, of all people, hadn't mistaken him for a woman. On the other hand, if Oikawa did notice it… If even he did notice it, then...

His husband's hands meet his face and gently touch his cheeks.

"No one else did know. I made sure of it."

Shouyou understands right then why the maids hadn't insisted on bathing nor dressing him, and why all the servants had blindly followed the order of not bothering him in any way.

He had had nothing to fear, in the first place.

Because Oikawa Tooru had known from the start he wasn't marrying Hinata Natsu.

"Then…"

"I told myself you would have had your reasons. And I had no reason to give you away, had I?"

Shouyou thinks that yes, actually  _yes,_  he had. He could have murdered him in his sleep. He could have run away, he could have…

He could have irreparably stained Natsu's name, for they both share the Hinata's fire not only inside their veins, but also in a lot of their physical traits.

And Oikawa had always known that he wouldn't have been lying without a very good reason.

The tears betray him again. He stares ahead.

"I thought… they were going to kill me."

He feels a tender kiss pressed against the nape of his neck and a whisper:

"I know."

"I thought Natsu could run away, could  _live_  if I were to take her place…"

Another kiss, two words:

"I understand."

Soon his racing mind gives way to sobs. Oikawa helps him turn around and cradles his body in his arms. Shouyou knows this is one of his hidden talents that no one cares about: to know how to comfort someone, to know what to say, to whisper words of encouragement while kissing the tears away.

All this is so utterly stupid, and Shouyou actually begins to laugh while sniffling back tears. Oikawa doesn't know how to react, and tries to convince him to share the joke with him.

"It's just… It's just that you said you would make me fall in love with you…"

_You are ridiculous_. That's what he wants to tell him. How dare he say such words to him? Oikawa appears desolated, and Shouyou guesses he intuits his thoughts.

So he simply places a hand over one of the emperor's cheeks.

The emperor, here, in the palm of his hand.

"And I had loved you way before you said that."

Silence. The emperor's lips, the emperor himself trembles.

His voice does too.

"It's just… I love you  _so_  much."

Shouyou thinks about how insecure Oikawa Tooru really is under all the layers of his royal attire while putting his little arms around his neck ―and it's a surrender that knows of no titles.

"I love you,  _Shouyou._ "

His whole name sounds sweet in his husband's mouth.

And it tastes sweet, too, when Oikawa lets him drink it out of his lips.

When Oikawa leans in to find his mouth with his own, and Shouyou, slowly, kisses him back.

No one rushes them.

No one menaces them.

It doesn't take long for Shouyou's tears to evaporate and in their place come the smiles and the giggles.

And Shouyou is certain it doesn't bother Tooru (yes,  _Tooru_ ) in the slightest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments? Love? c:  
> -Pequeña


	18. XVIII

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I took some days to rest, ah...  
> And I'm still dying, just so you know haha.  
> So, enjoy, for the end is near C:

XVIII

 

星屑のなかであなたに出会えた いつかの気持ちのまま会えたらよかった

The laughter lasts longer than it should, and soon turns to kisses.

The kisses turn to caresses, and everything is natural and soft.

When the clothes fall down, is almost at the same time, and it's a show worth watching ―although they don't pay attention to it.

Because they only have eyes for each other, and lips to kiss and hands to explore, barely conscious while they rush to the  _futon_.

Shouyou is nervous, yes, and Tooru can feel it. He can even  _taste_   _it_ , because he's nervous as well: he hasn't touched anyone in a long, long time, and he definitely hasn't touched anyone feeling this exposed, this vulnerable.

However, every kiss Shouyou gives him, every finger he feels exploring his cheeks, his neck, his collarbone, his chest and even his abdomen, is a reminder that there's nothing to be afraid of because he  _loves_ , and is loved in return.

When it is his turn to kiss, Shouyou laughs because of tickling he didn't know he could feel in certain parts of his body, and Tooru is certain this is the most evident sign that he's doing the right thing, that he isn't going to hurt anyone this time around.

That Shouyou's adoring gaze does mean only that: that he loves him, beyond any title or obligation, beyond any discomfort he may feel while he explores with his fingers the beloved body, even places his husband has never before allowed to be touched.

As soon as the kisses don't suffice, as soon as the nearness and the friction aren't enough, he aligns himself between the legs spread open to him. It's easy, really ―plenty of people have done this before. Oikawa himself has done it with plenty of people before.

But never with Shouyou, and that's what counts ―it's all that matters when the tiny back curves with a sigh, the ribs visible under the white skin after months of not seeing the sun.

He's inside Shouyou, and he's sure it isn't comfortable at first.

Nevertheless, he knows how to move ―he knows how to make him feel good, he knows where to touch and where to exert just the right amount of pressure, just as the most experienced archer knows how to fire.

He promptly feels the legs enveloping him, and promptly lacks air between the swaying of their bodies and the union of their mouths, in the middle of an ineffable whirl of fire.

It's such a devastating feeling, and at the same time, a small miracle that takes place not between an emperor and a bastard child, but among two common people.

That night, they both create something. A promise, a seal, something as wonderful and untouchable as the rain drops that collide against the leaves on the trees outside.

Realization dawns on Tooru after he sees everything white, after he feels in the flesh the foreign trembling as if it were his own, and after he listens to his own name as disharmonious whimpers that sound to him as ancestral songs and ethereal melodies.

He, too, repeats the loved name when the moment arrives.

A "Shouyou" to kiss him.

"Shouyou…"

A "Shouyou" to take his hand, to make permanent this link that doesn't vanish when he pulls out.

"Yes, Tooru?"

A "Shouyou" to fall asleep by his side and to know himself to be the most fortunate person.

A "Shouyou" to open his eyes again and again and find him beside him, to listen to his calm breathing.

A "Shouyou" to wake up alone in the morning.

A "Shouyou" to comprehend that yes, he is alone.

To comprehend that Shouyou, the real, authentic Shouyou, will never come back.

Oikawa Tooru closes his eyes once again.

Not even now has he lost his smile.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments, please?  
> -Pequeña


	19. XIX

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the last chapter. Thank you so much for reading this far.  
> After this, a short epilogue awaits...

XIX

 

 

After a hearty lunch, Nishinoya Yuu and Azumane Asahi are cooling down their feet in a clear stream when they see the palanquin approaching.

"There's no way it is who I think it is, right?"

Yuu snorts and rolls his eyes.

"Of course it is, Asahi! It's the former emperor! I told you I had seen him in the nearest town! I told you!"

Asahi sighs. Nishinoya must be the only one who is able to run from town to town faster than rumours fly.

_Or maybe, spreading himself the rumours…_

"But why would he be around here…?"

"You're telling me you really don't know?!"

At any rate, he's sure he's about to find out ―just like the other two hundred inhabitants around them if Yuu doesn't stop yelling.

"What is it, Nishinoya?"

"Everyone knows that after his wife left him, the emperor went a little… funny in the head! I mean, five whole years and he didn't remarry, nor did he concern himself with giving his house a heir?! It was to be expected they would compel him to abdicate so that relative of his would take his place, the actual emperor Wakatoshi Ushijima. Ah, and to think he was supposed to be a promise… It doesn't surprise me he's wandering around town if he's as crazy as they say he is…"

Asahi's hand silences Yuu's mouth.

From the royal litter, the former emperor, amused, smiles to them before they both postrate before him.

While he stands up again, Asahi manages to take a glance at the man's humble gaze.

A gaze he doesn't think could belong to a madman.

The thought occurs to him for a moment, not unlike a spark before a fire.

_Maybe there are more important things than the title of emperor._

"Hey, Asahi! Come here and help me to catch tonight's dinner, will you?!"

At the same time he joins Nishinoya, who is back to the stream searching for some fish, Asahi convinces himself he's right.

He smiles at the thought.

_Definitely, there are more important things._

* * *

 

When it happens, she's feeding the piggery's animals.

"Hinata Natsu?"

It's been a long time since anyone has addressed her by her whole name.

At least, her maiden name.

She turns around and instantly goes pale.

The emperor. Or rather, who used to be the emperor until a few months ago, wearing the plain clothes that have given people a lot to talk about since years before.

She falls down on her knees not caring about the stones all over the ground, but a hand rapidly circles her wrist, preventing her from hurting her legs against the arid land.

"You are undoubtedly Shouyou's sister."

She raises her head, and comprehends he has read all he needed by looking in her eyes. Yes, he has done so, but he goes along and asks her, once she's on his feet again:

"Where is he,  _Na-a-chan~_?"

He doesn't intend to mock her by calling her that, even if he pauses mischievously while pronouncing her nickname. She understands he wants to lighten the tension, nothing else.

She cannot help but smile at him, even if her shyness doesn't vanish completely.

"On the outskirts. He didn't mean to intrude… between my husband and me…"

"Natsu! Dinner is ready!"

He nods, and watches the most important person in her life over her shoulder. The boy with the white hair everyone made fun of, the boy marked with a permanent dust speck on his face.

The most noble, kind and pure-hearted boy Natsu has ever met in her whole life, and whom she loves with all her heart now that he isn't a boy any longer, but a man.

"That could have been me, you know?"

It's a joke. Natsu instantly understands. Oikawa isn't implying that  _she_  could have been the emperor's wife instead of a plain swineherd's woman.

He's only conveying, with such direct and simple words, a feeling alike to an answered prayer when everything seemed already lost, a feeling of gratitude towards a common coincidence.

Natsu, however, doesn't believe in coincidences.

"You have always belonged to my brother, Oikawa-sama."

The man who is no longer emperor smiles.

And retires after a small reverence to Sugawara Natsu.

* * *

While he walks all the way up to this Oikawa Shouyou's home (such a fine horse breeder must be related to the royal family, what with his lands and wealth!), Tooru softly hums a song.

He is happy.

He feels whole, he feels satisfied, and the feeling is alike to refreshing his feet in a pond on a hot summer day.

_Hey, Iwa-chan…_

He finally reaches the peak of the hill, and he is able to discern a silhouette that turns towards him.

_… back then…_

The hakamas are definitely manly, and the wind shakes them lightly now that he's sitting on a fence. The orange hair gleams under the sunlight that slowly dies out on this common afternoon of a common day, just like everywhere else, even if this is the land of the rising sun.

First, a expression full of surprise.

And then, a smile loaded with tears.

On his face.

And on Shouyou's face.

Far away, in the depths of the sky yet clear over two unnamed figures running towards one another, the first star appears.

_… did you mean…_

Because if there's something more important than Oikawa Tooru's whims, it must be this little being that gets lost in his arms.

_… this?_

And Tooru doesn't intend, not even for a split second, to let him go again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And now...


	20. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> uvu

EPILOGUE

 

 

戻らない過去に泣いたことでさえ 生まれ変わって明日をきっと照らしてくれる

_"If you could talk to the stars, what would you tell them?"_

_He looks up at the night sky over his shoulder. Tooru watches his face as his mind gets lost in thought while he searches for a proper answer, and he can only think about breathing deeply, searching for a way to make even more room inside his chest for this immense love he feels towards Shouyou._

_"Something like 'I'm not worthy of your love'."_

_Tooru tries to reply, and Shouyou simply places his index finger over his lips._

_"And something along the lines of… 'But I shall be, soon. And then I'll look at you again. Wait for me.'"_

_Tooru nods and closes his eyes, a smile that equals that of his husband on his lips._

_Because he knows that all the stars shall wait for as long as it takes if it's for Shouyou._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you, from the bottom of my heart. Thank you so much.  
> I hope I can write more Oihina for you all! Thank you thank you thank you.  
> -Pequeña


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